Want a better marriage? The change has to start with YOU!

Hey there! Hope all is well. Today, I want to hang out and talk about how you can have a better marriage. Maybe you’re not going through anything major, but you want to freshen things up a bit, or things have gotten boring and need some sprucing up. Then again, maybe you are dealing with issues regularly and can’t understand how to turn things around.

They Need to Change, NOT ME!

What’s the first thing we think would make our marriage better? OUR SPOUSE! We say that they need to do this or that, right? Why do we always believe changes are required from our partner to make our relationship more enjoyable? We have convinced ourselves that we have it all together, and our spouse/significant other is the one that needs work. Sometimes, that may be true. There will always be things that our spouse can work on to improve the marriage. On the flip side, we can do the same. WE ARE NOT EXEMPT!

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You Have to Put in the Work

Do you feel like your relationship has become routine? Are you just going through the motions? You have work that you have to stay on top of, kids keeping you busy, and life, in general, seems to consume your time. The majority of us go through seasons like this. However, you can’t always live like this and expect anything more out of your relationship. Neither can you expect your spouse to be the one to bring about change. You have to take the time to make plans and carefully execute them on your relationship’s behalf. You can express yourself and let your spouse know how they can participate, but ultimately, it’s up to you to create the change you want to see. In order to get out of this rut and routine, you have to make a conscious effort to do so.

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You Must Evaluate Yourself

To make things more satisfying in the relationship, we have to be intentional about what we do and say. It is often necessary to have moments of self-reflection. We all need to take time to assess ourselves, our body language, demeanor, and reactions. We have to revisit situations, especially moments of conflict, to analyze how to handle them differently. I make time to practice this very often. Whether in the moment or after the encounter, I take a break and play everything back in my mind. I imagine my response and the expression on my face. I recognize how sometimes the wrong emotion could be perceived through my facial expressions. If the situation is currently happening, I will ask for a second to gather my thoughts, so I don’t say something I’ll regret or have to apologize for later.

Sometimes, it’s not until after the moment has passed that I reflect on my actions and reactions. I realize that the look on my face or response was the reason things got off track. When I acknowledge this, I apologize and assure my husband that I will work on myself. Applying these methods has helped me make significant changes to better my marriage and bond with my husband.

What can you do to bring about improvement?

Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. None of us will ever be perfect, but we can most definitely strive to be better. The change we make for ourselves will be noticeable and should have a positive impact on our partner. Love begets love. One cannot see deliberate acts of improvement in the relationship and not want to take part. It’s a natural response. As your companion notices your genuine changes, they will want to reciprocate. It’s a process that won’t happen overnight, so it has to become a part of your regular lifestyle. You can’t try something once and expect to see a difference. You have to remain consistent to reap the benefits of the changes you’ve made. I challenge you to begin this today! Take the opportunity to evaluate yourself and the role you play in your relationship. Don’t wait on your spouse to change, and don’t pray for God to fix them. Start with YOU and watch the shift happen!

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13 thoughts on “Want a better marriage? The change has to start with YOU!

  1. Self-reflection is SOOOO important in any relationship but especially marriage. Sometimes we want everyone else around us to change and forget that we are far from perfect ourselves.

    1. Exactly! That’s the hidden secret, focus on yourself and not the other person in the relationship. They have to do their own work!

  2. I LOVE IT! It’s so easy to point a finger at your spouse. But when you do that you have 3 other finger pointing back at you. Tough pill to swallow sometimes. But so true. Thanks for the reminder!

    1. Yes ma’am. As we continue to improve ourself, the quality of the marriage remains. Thanks for stopping by to read this post!

  3. Thank you for this. I’ve been married for 17 years and we are still having to strive to be better. Thank you for encouraging all of us.

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