Hey there! Hope all is well. Today, during this hang out sesh, we are going to get into some sticky stuff. This subject right here is very personal for me because sometimes Ejuan and I still struggle with this issue today.
One definition of compromise in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is ‘the act or practice of each side giving up something in order to reach an agreement.’ A lot of people abuse this term, and they overlook one keyword, EACH. That word is the foundation a couple needs to begin building from. Unfortunately, a lot of times, compromise is one-sided, because one person doesn’t grasp a full understanding of the role they are supposed to play.
When you and your partner are at odds about something, you both need to take a step back and ask yourselves if you understand the others’ position. If not, take a moment to discuss (not debate) the situation, and get a clear understanding from one another. Both of you need to take the time and listen to what the other has to say. Don’t speak and give your opinion or rebuttal, and don’t make funny expressions. LISTEN! Then take that information and work together on a compromise. Knowing both sides, see where each of you can pull back a bit, but still be content with the outcome. The main goal is to be on one accord with the final decision.
In a marriage where one spouse rarely compromises or never lets up from their ‘my way or the highway’ mentality, the couple’s connection will typically become bitter or broken. This way of thinking will cause one spouse to resent the other.Tweet
It is hard to stay in love and willingly spend time with a spouse who often makes you feel like your concerns, desires, or ideas are always inferior to theirs. Eventually, they will start pulling away. It’s like their partner is on the Roscoe Jenkins method, “Team of Me.” The couple may stay together, but will always be at war because fair negotiation is unheard of in their relationship. However, if the two cannot manage to work together, the marriage will most likely come to an end because only one person is at peace. The spouse being affected never seems to get their way and will not continue on that path if there is no evidence of change.
If you are in a relationship like this, it most likely won’t get better until a mediator helps the other spouse understand. No matter how many ways you say it or spell it out, they can’t seem to get it. There could be an underlying situation that causes them to be the way they are. Maybe they were raised in a household where they never had an opportunity to express themselves, even as they grew mature enough to do so. A professional knows what to ask in order to find out what the root problem is. They will also train each of you on how to express yourselves when dealing with conflict. Those methods working together should hopefully bring about a change in your situation.
Who wants a marriage filled with conflict? “NOT I!” Raise your hand if your response sounds like mine. If you agree with me then there comes a time when somebody has to take the L and walk away from the situation. No, I’m not saying the same spouse should lose each time, but someone has to be smart and courageous enough to see the bigger picture. When you digress, do it so eloquently and professionally that it leaves a lasting impression on your mate. Let them see how you chose to put their feelings and desires before yours. At some point after the moment has passed, discuss the situation like civilized adults. Please don’t throw it in their face like na-na-na boo boo! However, try to lay things out in a way where they can hopefully see how you sacrificed your concerns for theirs. Continue to lead by example, so they will begin to follow and eventually reciprocate.
After all is said and done, I’ll leave you with this. Don’t allow your lack of being able to settle to put your marriage in a bind. Step up and begin acting like the change you want to see in your relationship. Start by agreeing on more things to show your partner what it looks like to compromise. Do the work and bask in the results!
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