Hey there! Hope all is well. Today we will hang out for a bit and talk about the reality that getting a divorce is an option. No matter what vows or commitments you’ve made to your spouse, walking away is always possible.
Many people go into marriage using the phrase ‘divorce is not an option.’ However, as a 19-year-old naive young married adult, that was a possibility for me every other day. I used the word regularly. One of my biggest sayings was, “If it weren’t for these kids, I’d be gone!” No cap! As the young folks say today. I thought every time something wasn’t working or Ejuan annoyed me that it was time to go. Especially, those situations that continued to occur over and over again. I just knew that things would never change, and I’d be stuck in a bind. Because I promised never to leave, it scared me when issues arose.
Frequently using this saying can be confusing and persuasive to someone preparing to marry or newly married. It can create a false sense of reality to an amateur couple, no matter the age. Hearing that statement often and only seeing the pleasant side of marriages emphasizes the ‘happily ever after’ fantasy. When they run into their own situation, they choose flight over fight. Because no one has shown the reality that problems arise and divorce is an alternative, it usually becomes the first thing they consider. Instead of couples receiving a deeper message about the ‘divorce is not an option’ expression, they fall victim to the misconception of the perfect marriages that they never believe can end in divorce.
After many years of marriage, I totally understand what that phrase means. People are not relaying the message that you can’t get a divorce, but instead, they are saying that they choose to stay and work through their issues. Because the option to leave is always on the table, I salute any couple who makes a conscious effort to endure marriage’s hardships. You have to know what type of situations can be corrected and what is irreparable. Everyone’s tolerance level is different, but we all have to be reasonable about our breaking points. The deal breakers need to be established at the beginning of the relationship, more so before you say ‘I Do.’
Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. When using the statement ‘divorce is not an option,’ explain what that means. Be careful not to assume that everyone understands what you say because you never know the maturity level and comprehension of the audience you may be reaching. Please give a full description of the message to help others withstand the moments when divorce seems like their ONLY option! Is this phrase something you’ve adopted in your marriage? If so, how do you convey this to others? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
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