Hey there! Hope all is well. For today’s hang out, I want to talk about how important it is to be able to validate and affirm yourself.
We live in a cruel, cruel world, especially since social media has taken over. Everything you post goes through a cycle of scrutiny and judgment. Some things you share will be loved and appreciated, and then there is the other side of that. People will try to destroy you and rip you to shreds when they don’t like you or disagree with something you’ve posted. As much as some may admire you, there will always be those who are just not that into you.
When dealing with the Negative Nancy’s and Petty Betty’s, you truly have to stand firm on what you know and believe about yourself! If you don’t know how to motivate and push yourself, they will take you down. You’ll start to fall for the nasty things they say about you, and then you’ll slowly stop believing in the talents and skills you possess. You will second-guess yourself and eventually abort the mission you are supposed to complete. Don’t allow anyone to get you off tasks or knock you off the course you have started all because they don’t believe, or because they are just cynical people.
For each bad person and every critical comment you come across, combat them with something positive. Remind yourself of who you are and what you are capable of. Make affirming yourself a regular task until it’s as routine as brushing your teeth every day. It can be the first thing you do when you wake up, or you have it as a scheduled assignment for specific days of the week. Either way, be sure that you are keeping your affirmation tank full! Even the best of us may get blown back by the negativity, but those moments won’t keep you down long when you are filling yourself regularly.
Admiration and recognition are great. Who doesn’t appreciate those that love our work, our look, and our style? We all like to hear an attagirl, or you’re amazing, every once in a while. However, please don’t wait for it! Don’t make moves and look for someone to validate you. Validate yourself! Speak positivity over your life on a regular basis and tell yourself how great you are and believe it! Be your cheerleader before you expect someone else to cheer for you. Take note not to become so into yourself that you get beside yourself. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and you don’t want to cross that line. Be modest, but also be bold!
I was the four-eyed, crooked tooth, skinny girl growing up, and I was constantly bullied and belittled about it. Not only was I talked about in school and other public settings, but I also received this type of treatment in my home. My immediate family and extended family members spoke negatively to and about me for a long time. Through my adolescent years, I had to begin to tell myself a different story. I had to push myself past their judgment and verbal abuse.
As a grown woman, I can ignore the criticism a lot easier because I am my own ‘affirmation and validation.’ The positivity begins with me. I wear contacts sometimes, but I’m regularly in glasses. My teeth aren’t the straightest because I didn’t wear my retainers like I should have when I was younger. I still consider myself to be skinny, but I’ve filled out a lot more since being a teenager. I’m still extremely flawed, but I choose to use the flaws to keep me humble, and I focus on the positive aspects of myself more. We are all human, and it’s normal to be affected and hurt by people, but you bounce back and get up a lot quicker when you accept and believe in yourself.
Until we meet again, I’ll leave you with this. Take a moment to stand and look at yourself in the mirror. Begin to find your beauty and what makes you unique. Talk to yourself about who you are and what you believe. If and when you start to focus on any flaws or negative parts of you, I challenge you to redirect those thoughts. Make this a regular practice until you can affirm and validate yourself without thinking twice. A family member suggested I listen to a message on YouTube one day, and I fell in love with it, and have since added the words of affirmation to my routine. When you’re feeling low or have moments of doubt, repeat the following:
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE
YOU ARE NOT INADEQUATE
YOU ARE NOT AT A DEFICIT
YOU ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE
MORE THAN COMPETENT
FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE
-Dr. Dharius Daniels
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