Sex before marriage, teenage pregnancy, and life afterward

Hey there! Hope all is well. For today’s hang out, I want to talk about the not-so-good choice to become a teenage parent and share how you can recover from it.

I met my husband when we were sixteen years old. Shortly before my seventeenth birthday, like a lot of us horny toads, we went there! Yup, we had SEX! Ooooooo…I know. Fortunately, we did not get pregnant the first time. However, you know what one time does, right? Yup, we did it again and again and again. (Sorry, mama)!

I was born and raised in a religion where sex before marriage is NOT OKAY! So while each moment was enjoyable, I’d always feel bad about our decision later. Sex was a taboo subject when I was growing up, so I never had “the talk.” I only knew about what I snuck and saw in magazines and found on the adult channels. The one attempt by an older individual to help me change my behavior went out the window when they showed me exactly the opposite lifestyle they preached about to me. Although what they were teaching was correct and they meant well, I couldn’t see past their sins to learn the lesson. Therefore, I had to get it the hard way.

My husband (boyfriend at the time) and I one day decided on our own that we would stop having sex until we were married. While we’d already sinned multiple times, we asked God for forgiveness and made a declaration that our next time being intimate would be on our wedding night. We stuck to our commitment but didn’t realize that I was already pregnant at the time of our promise.

About three or four months before my eighteenth birthday, I took a pregnancy test because I was late, late. My mom was beyond sad and disappointed. I was an excellent student with a bright future ahead of me. I’d applied and been accepted into the college of my dreams, but this news changed the game. She was looking forward to her last child being the first to go to college right out of high school.

Even being pregnant, I had every intention of starting college a short distance away from home, until the day I found out I was most likely pregnant with twins! I had no clue where I was about to go from there, but I knew that I could not do this alone. I walked the stage at my high school graduation with a baby bump and began preparing for the next phase of my life; teenage mommy!

I can’t say that I was ever embarrassed by getting pregnant so young, but I was definitely disappointed in myself for shattering my dreams so early in life. However, I chose not to abort my pregnancy, so the only thing to do from there was to become the best mom I could be for my children. My mom, boyfriend, and his parents were absolutely amazing. When they say it takes a village to raise a child, that is even more so true when you are a kid having kids.

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My husband and I were engaged at age seventeen (before becoming pregnant) and we had every intention to wait until after graduating from college to get married. Rumor has it we married just because we’d gotten pregnant. Unbeknownst to those spreading this gossip, marriage had been our end game all along. I will say that having children did boost our desire to be together a lot sooner. When we had to go back to our parents’ homes every evening, it was tough splitting up the family we’d created. With that, Ejuan and I talked and then went to our parents to ask for their permission to marry earlier than we originally planned. Both of our parents agreed, and almost nineteen years later, we’re still married, loving each other, learning, and constantly growing together!

While I will still say that being a teenage mom was not a good idea, I am thankful for everything it taught me. I learned to take accountability for my actions. It also taught me how to be a responsible adult and take care of my duties. Once I left home, I never looked back. My husband and I have worked our way into success. No, we are not perfect and may not always be where we want to be, but we take pride in knowing that we handled our business!

Now, with almost grown children that are all doing fairly well, I am grateful for this time in my life. I’m still relatively young, healthy, and able to make more choices now that are solely about me. I can’t get back those days as a young adult, so there is no need to cry over spilled milk! Instead, I try to focus on loving myself, learning new things, and figuring out exactly how I want to spend this next season of my life!

Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. Many of us are dealing with the outcomes of yesterday’s decisions. Whether it’s mental, emotional, tangible, or intangible, we all have reminders of the actions we made in our past. I urge you to think less about what would’ve should’ve could’ve but rather concentrate on what is. What are you doing now? How can you improve where you are? Take all the negative thoughts and energy, and in my Ciara voice, “LEVEL UP!”

If you liked this post, share your comments below! Thanks for hanging out with me!!!