Hey there! Hope all is well. Today’s hang out is the first part of the seven-part marriage series with Shelly and me. I will start it out by sharing some things I believe are worth taking the time to ask yourself before getting married.
If you are just beginning to date, have been dating for a while, you’re engaged, or you have nothing more than the thoughts of being a spouse someday, please ask yourself the following questions and be honest with your responses. Then analyze and study your answers to decide if you are seriously ready to take the next step towards marriage.
1. Am I truly ready to be married and commit to becoming someone’s life-long partner?
When you marry, you merge two individuals together that become one team with the same mission and core values. Moving forward, pretty much everything you do and just about every decision you make, you must include and consider your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. It’s no longer just about you. So, are you willing to make someone an equal partner in your decisions regarding the rest of your life?
2. Am I capable of loving someone unconditionally?
Can you honestly say that you could love your partner with no limits? No matter what they say or do, within reason, of course, do you believe you can love them through it? If there’s anything that can sway your love for them, you may not be ready to make such a strong commitment.
3. Will I actually stick around through sickness or a serious accident?
I know this sounds like a dumb question, but let’s say you’re on your honeymoon and a freak accident happens where your spouse becomes paralyzed. Do you stay in your marriage at that point? Do you believe you would be able to withstand this new way of living that you never signed up for? Of course, the obvious response is YES, but sincerely think through what this means for you, for the rest of your life. If being a caregiver is how you will spend the rest of your days with your spouse, could you handle that? That is being true to those vows “through sickness and in health.” We repeat the words, but not many of us actually ponder what it means if we encounter this type of situation.
4. Am I willing to compromise?
First off, ask yourself what YOUR perception of compromise is? Does it line up with the actual dictionary meaning? One Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition states: to come to agreement by mutual concession. You both have to lessen your desires in some fashion to concede to what each other would prefer. You cannot move forward on most decisions where you two are not in agreement until you come up with a fair compromise. If you believe that your way should or will always be the top choice, you have more work to do.
5. Am I able to wake up in the morning and go to bed at night with the same person every day for the rest of my life?
While this may be a no-brainer for some people, others struggle with the idea of only having one partner for the remainder of their lives. The idea of lying in bed, being intimate, etc. with one person forever is a challenge for some. People often lack common sense in their decisions until after they’ve said ‘I Do.’ Then they feel like they’ve made the worst mistake of their life and they’re stuck with this person forever.
6. Am I willing to give up anything for marriage?
Maybe you’re a party animal, you love to eat out every day, or you’re a smoker, but your partner is not okay with any of these things. Whatever your vice is, could you let it all go for the sake of securing a future with your mate? If compromising how often you do these things is not an option for your potential spouse, would you be able to go cold turkey or at least make an attempt to?
7. If my partner cheats on me, am I willing to trust them again and stay in the relationship?
Before getting into serious relationships, especially marriage, many of us mouth off the words, “I WILL NOT STAY WITH ANYONE WHO CHEATS ON ME!” Of course, no one goes into a relationship expecting their spouse to be unfaithful, but should this happen in your marriage, could you stay? Would you allow your partner to explain (not excuse) their reason for their infidelity? Do you think you could give them an opportunity to beg for forgiveness, and would you wholeheartedly entrust them with your heart and believe they won’t do it again?
I could add so many other things to this list, and I could put out a poll and have many ideas submitted. However, these are just several questions I chose as an overall foundation to begin to examine yourself and know if marriage is for you. If you are second-guessing any of the topics listed, you need to take some time and work on those areas where you need to improve or accept that marriage just may not be for you.
Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. Never allow anyone to set the standard for what you will or will not agree to in marriage. Know what you want and don’t settle for anything less. However, I will warn you to be careful about setting your standards so high that no one could ever reach them. One of my favorite sayings is to be reasonable. I challenge you to create a list. Have a column for pros and cons and also write out fantasy vs. reality. I believe from there, you should have a great start with realistic goals for building a genuine expectation for your life partner. There are plenty of good people out there, and I hope and pray that you will find each other to begin the journey towards your happily ever after!
If you liked this post, please comment below. Also, if you know someone who could benefit from this, make sure to share this post with them? Thanks for hanging out with me today!