A letter to my sons for the way I chose to raise them

Hey there! Hope all is well. For today’s hang out, I want to publicly talk to my sons and explain why I chose to raise them the way I did. For any mother who has had children, I hope that you can relate to this. However, this may resonate more with my southern, black, old school raised mamas that may understand some of the ways in which I do things.

Dear Sons,

For almost twenty years, I have had one sole purpose. That purpose was to raise you as polite, well-mannered, well-rounded, intelligent, successful, and financially wealthy men that believe in God.

Everything that I have taught you has been geared towards fulfilling that overall mission. From teaching you to say yes ma’am and no ma’am to using the words please and thank you. You were constantly reminded to respect women and your elders and have been told to hold the door for ANYONE coming in or going out of it. All these lessons were given to ensure that others would see that there are still genuinely nice individuals in this world.

The foundation:

I was a young mom, but I continued a lot of old school practices. I appreciated most of my upbringing, like my family’s religious beliefs, morals and values, and overall mannerable way of life. Your dad’s family reared him almost the same way, so it was a given that we would raise you guys very similarly to how we grew up. 

Being a good model:

The purpose of teaching you all to live in a more upstanding way was to show you the type of woman I am and serve as a guide for the kind of woman I hoped you would bring into our family. As much as I wanted all of you to grow up and marry a woman who “looks like me,” that was my least concern. My focus has always been that all of you find a young lady who shares your same values and beliefs, loves and adores you, and does her part to ensure that your family succeeds. Unfortunately, none of the above choices are my decisions to make. However, it will continue to be my prayer for all three of you.

Education expectations:

Going to college and obtaining multiple degrees is another thing your father and I expected from each of you. While college may not be for everyone, it has always been a big deal for our household. Of course, Dad and I did not go to college immediately after graduating from high school. However, Dad has since earned a Master’s Degree, and I hope to someday finish beyond my highest level of an Associate Degree. Nonetheless, we knew that finishing college was something we wanted for each one of you. Not only have you been told that you should never stop learning, but we’ve explained how a college degree can make you more marketable. The final decision is up to you, of course, but you’ve been set on the path to start and complete college at the highest level possible.

Financial goals:

Whether or not you get college degrees, you should work and be able to handle your money. Dad and I have taught you to manage your finances reasonably well. Remember, you were told to categorize your funds by giving, saving, and spending, and we passed down our religious tradition to give 10% of our money to God first. Then you were to make sure that all responsibilities were always covered next, i.e., keeping up with your retirement fund and maintaining an emergency account. While none of us have lived long enough to see the full benefits of this way of life, I’m a firm believer that you will be much better off than Dad and me. Honestly, you’ll probably live better financially than most people in this world who do not follow these principles!

Safety precautions:

I also prayed that teaching you good over evil would ensure that you’d have a better quality of life. Unfortunately, there is one thing I’m both proud of and scared about at the same time that almost makes this lesson seem ineffective. You’re all BLACK MEN! No matter how well I’ve taught you to act, that one reality could still put you in harm’s way. Even though that scares me, I have yet reminded you to respect authorities, obey the law, and always be mindful of how you speak to others. I hope that these teachings will keep you alive and safe at all times!

Understanding:

Although everything I’ve done for each of you or kept you from was specifically for your success and safety, you don’t always see it that way. You probably won’t understand, not at least until you are grown with your children and experience some of the same things, or until life teaches you. I would love for you to see the purpose of everything right now, but I know that it all will come to pass in due season.

Love always no matter what,

Mom 🙂

Wrap up:

Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. Do all you can within your power and be everything you can be on your level for your children. Raise yours the best way you know how and don’t be swayed by anyone else’s thoughts and opinions. However, if you are exposed to things that will make life better for your children, then, by all means, try to connect them with it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll continue to say it over and over again. If you can’t teach something or you don’t have a full understanding, find someone willing to help you help your children. Within your means, aid in providing better opportunities for your kids. I don’t believe any other parent will say that we were perfect, but I doubt that any of us will say we regret showing our kids a better way.

Please leave feedback and let me know what you think. Thanks for stopping by to hang out with me!