Holding your kid through heartache while you’re holding back the “I told you so.”

Hey there! Hope all is well. For today’s hang out, let’s talk about these kids and their shenanigans. Whew! They can be a handful, no matter what age!

You may have a preconceived notion that all your worry and concern will go away once your children are older. I’d beg to differ. The anxiety of raising a younger kid is almost equal to or as strong as the concern you have for a young adult. This is my honest opinion.

Both age groups bring their own level of struggles. When they are young, you’re worried about the daycare workers keeping them safe or fear that they may be influenced by others to do something wrong. When they’re older, you’re afraid of them having an accident on the highway and never returning home or getting into something that can affect the rest of their lives. Regardless of how old they are, as a parent, these worries are ever-present. Yes, you might not be troubled as often because you know that you’ve taught them well, but age does not remove concern.

If you haven’t already watched your child go through something serious, think about what that might feel like. Imagine them coming home or calling you with a pressing matter, especially if it’s a situation you have discussed over and over with them.

Your mind is saying, “You silly child, didn’t I tell you XYZ?” However, your heart is aching. If there’s an ounce of “real mother” feelings in you, you hurt when you see your child dealing with pain. It’s a challenging task to sit with your child and listen to them cry or be in physical or emotional pain that they brought on themselves. You have to keep the “I told you so” inside and allow the nurturing and caring part of you to be present.

Now, if you’re anything like Ejuan (sometimes) and me, and the pain wasn’t something that caused your kid to have PTSD, be suicidal, come close to death or anything extreme like that, then you eventually give them that “I tried to tell you” response. In my home, it comes by way of jokes. As teens and young adults like to call it today, we cook on them. An opportunity always presents itself to bring the situation back up, and when it does, WE ARE ON THEM, in a fun and joking way. Every now and then, we get a response of “Too soon, mom and dad, too soon,” with a light chuckle.

Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. Nobody’s kid is perfect. At some point in their lives, parents have had to deal with some foolery from their kids. It may not be so terrible that it’s life-altering, but I don’t believe you can talk to any parent today that can say their kid, teenager, or young adult child was without trouble. In some cases, maybe the kid never confessed what they did, but they’ve done something. Although it may not be an issue we had when we were younger, I’m sure we are in no position to judge them. No matter what, as their parents, we will be there, even if we’re mad at them for the choices they’ve made. If you’re a parent, do you recall a time you were disappointed with your child but had to be their support system at the same time? If you’re not a parent, do you remember getting into some things that your parent(s) had to help you get out of? Did they express their frustration even while they were supporting you through it?

10 thoughts on “Holding your kid through heartache while you’re holding back the “I told you so.”

  1. I totally agree that the worrying never stops. My girls are 20 and 17 and I worry about them more now than I did when they were younger. It is hard not to intervene but I’ve always thought that letting them find their own way and make their own mistakes is the best approach.

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  2. We have had the most serious of issues re our family during the last five years and it hasn’t been easy dealing with these matters. Picking up the pieces takes every ounce of willpower without saying “I told you so.” There was an incident ten years ago that was beyond anyones control and strangely enough, it is far easier to deal with.

    On the less serious front, we will generally stir each other up. When it comes to the two boys (well young men actually) and breaking things, as a father I do sigh with exasperation and want to say “can’t you be more like your sister?” Anyway, six months ago, the youngest boy and I were sorting out his brother’s bedroom. Of course there is floor to ceiling windows. Guess who broke the bottom window when moving some things? Yes, it was me. Both boys have not let me forget it 🤣 Their mother just smiles at me whenever it is mentioned…

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    1. That “I told you so” is hard to keep down, but I try to overlook that whenever I need to be available for my children.

      Yea, I don’t know anything about having a girl around that doesn’t break because I have three boys and that’s all that they do! That’s a funny story. Thanks for sharing and thanks for reading my post and leaving some feedback!

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    2. That “I told you so” is hard to keep down, but I try to overlook that whenever I need to be available for my children. Yea, I don’t know anything about having a girl around that doesn’t break because I have three boys and that’s all that they do! That’s a funny story. Thanks for sharing and thanks for reading my post and leaving some feedback!

      Sorry, I just realized that I posted this response as a separate comment on my blog vs replying to you. 😬🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

      Liked by 1 person

    3. That “I told you so” is hard to keep down, but I try to overlook that whenever I need to be available for my children. Yea, I don’t know anything about having a girl around that doesn’t break because I have three boys and that’s all that they do! That’s a funny story. Thanks for sharing and thanks for reading my post and leaving some feedback!

      Sorry, I just realized that I posted this response as a separate comment on my blog vs replying to you. 😬🤦🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

      Like

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