I once was lost, but now I’m finding my S.E.L.F.I.S.H!

Who am I?

Hey there! Hope all is well. Let’s hang out today and talk about the loss of identity some of us face when we get married and have children.

Family over everything, including myself!

Maybe that’s not your issue, but it definitely was/is mine! I recognized this some time ago, but a situation recently brought it back to my attention. I spent half of my life raising children and supporting my husband while I worked a job that I loathed to help take care of my responsibilities. There wasn’t a time that I thought about what I wanted to do or what career or goals I wanted to achieve. My only focus was on taking care of my family.

Consumed with responsibilities

Contrary to popular belief, I used to cook ALL OF THE TIME! I never liked it, but I did what I had to do for my family. I called my mom regularly to learn how to cook new things, and I often made dessert. About six years into our marriage, Ejuan offered to cook one evening instead of getting the boys started on summer homework that I always gave them. He then went further and said he’d take on the responsibility of cooking forever, from that moment forward. That was all I needed to hear. Although that extra duty was taken away from me, my time was still consumed with keeping the home organized and the children’s needs maintained.

Know your strength

I worked at a company for eighteen years, and they offered tuition reimbursement, but college was far from my mind with three young children. I’ve seen many people (women specifically) go back to school and maintain the household. I applaud them, but that’s not for everybody. You have to know what you can handle. As my kids grew up and became less dependent, I decided to start back on my college journey while I was still working full-time. Unfortunately, it became too much for me because Ejuan was also going to school full-time and working full-time. Somebody had to keep an eye on the growing boys and manage the home. Plus, I knew that my time with the corporation was soon coming to an end. Therefore, finishing two more years to complete my undergrad wasn’t as crucial for me as it was for Ejuan. He would continue working in his Corporate America position until retirement.

Finding my S.E.L.F.I.S.H

Now that I no longer work, there’s no tuition reimbursement nor extra income to pay for school as easily. As I look back, I would have made different decisions before I came to this point in my life. However, now that I’m here, all I can do is move forward and continue to focus on improving myself one step at a time. Ejuan and I have put ourselves in a position that allows me to build the life I want. Not to mention that my sons are all just about grown. It’s now my time to write my own story, and I’m doing just that (LITERALLY). 🙂 Please stick around as I take this S.E.L.F.I.S.H journey on becoming the best me that I can be, FOR ME!

Do you believe it’s too late for you?

Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. You may be older and have gone a lifetime not caring for yourself, or maybe you’re young and just getting started. Either way, I want to suggest to you that it is okay to be a little SELFISH! No, of course, I don’t mean never be there for the family and responsibilities you’ve created, but what I do mean is take the time to map out your needs and desires too. Decide what it takes to keep you content and fulfilled. Have that conversation with your family and do the work to make things happen. Everyone’s situation will be different, so what one does quickly could take you longer. Don’t look at someone else’s success as your failure. No matter what, keep focusing on reaching your goals. I received some of the best advice throughout my journey to find me and build something for myself. Someone shared the popular saying, “It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” I keep that in mind whenever I feel like I may not reach my goals or the process becomes overwhelming. I hope that you can take these words and store them away for when you need them too. If you know anyone that has expressed these same feelings, please do me a favor and share this post with them. We will overcome and succeed!!!

4 thoughts on “I once was lost, but now I’m finding my S.E.L.F.I.S.H!

  1. I love and respect your journey!! I suffered that lost of identity for many years, I am barely finding myself now!!! Thank you for sharing and raise your voice about this topic!!! You go girl 💪👌

    1. Thank you so much! Being transparent can be very scary at times, but I’m hoping by sharing my journey, I can help others to come out of the shadow and into the light as well. So glad you are on the path to finding yourself too!

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