Hey there! Hope all is well. For today’s hang out, we’re going to jump right into it. Let’s keep it real. Marriage is not always the happily ever after that we’ve been tricked into believing.
The movies, books, and TV shows have given us a false sense of reality regarding how marriages work. It’s not always the big fairytale wedding, and then BOOM, everything magically works out. In these fantasy worlds, we see couples floating on air (figuratively), and they are head over heels in love with one another. They are all googly-eyed and seem to kiss every moment they are together. I’m not saying there aren’t some couples like this, but it’s not a reality for many people. I’m many people. I love my husband sincerely with all of my heart, but we don’t get down like that.
We’ve had both good days and bad days. While he’s very touchy-feely and would like to be together all of the time, I’m not. Our love languages are different, and that’s okay. We’ve both had to learn to be accommodating to one another’s needs. Nothing just works for us without doing the work. While the past nineteen years haven’t been “happily ever after,” they have been successful. We’re not the couple that has stayed together out of obligation, and there is no plan for either of us to leave once all of the kids are grown and gone. We are together because we like and love one another!
There have been many days that I questioned my decision to marry Ejuan. Oooowee, especially as we’ve evolved and grown into the individual beings we are today. Sometimes, I ask God, “How in the world did you bring two extremely different characters together?” Of course, in the beginning, you purposefully do EVERYTHING together. You like every single detail about the other and overlook the little things. As the saying goes, LOVE IS BLIND. Once you begin to develop more in the relationship and other factors come into play, the dynamics start to change.
While things haven’t always been the best, they have also been great! I am so thankful for my husband, for who he is and what he does for my boys and me. He is an excellent role model for our sons and me as well! He’s interested in so many things, which allows him to be a great source of help in multiple areas in life. I’ve grown a lot because of him!
Although the course can get tough and sometimes even seem unbearable, as the old folks say, “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey!” And since I’m keeping it real, I can honestly say that I get irritated with the journey and often look forward to the other side. That side, when our finances are much better, all of the boys are living successfully on their own, and we have the house to ourselves and more time together than we have plans for. In the next phase of our lives, I’m looking to make up for all the tough years, tears, sorrow, suffering, and pain.
To finish this post off, I interviewed Ejuan about our time together, and the following is what he had to say:
1)At 17-years-old, you knew you wanted to marry me. What was it about me that made you feel that I was the one?
Initially, it was because of your natural beauty, but once I got to know you and your family, it evolved into knowing that you come from good bones. That gave me an insight into knowing that what I was taught aligned with your vision as well.
2)How does it feel to say you’ve been married for 19 years?
When I think of being married for 19 years, three words come to mind.
- knowing that we are both flawed
- recognizing that we are on the same team
- showing up every day
3)What have you learned about marriage in 19 years?
I have learned that focusing on the end-game is what matters most.
4)What is your advice to help others get to a successful 19 years of marriage?
First, I would say to focus on the bigger picture. It’s disheartening to focus on things that won’t matter in one month. Pick the battle and if the battle is not going to matter in 20 years, maybe reconsider going to war. Ooooweee! He spoke a word right there!!! Didn’t he?! Second, spend more time thinking about the future and not the present moment. The present moment tends to be pulled from emotion, but focusing on the future tends to be drawn from purpose.
5)How would you describe your marriage?
Imperfectly, perfect. Although we do have our frustrations and issues to understand each other at times, at the end of the day, knowing that you have my back and we matter to each other and that we are on the same path in this journey we call life, ultimately makes it all worthwhile to know that we are connected together, forever.Whew, he spoke a mouthful, LITERALLY, but I LOVE IT!
6)If you could do it all over again, would you?
All caps, HELL YEAH!
(Sorry, my peeps, I had to type exactly what he said). We are not cursers, so this response was EXXXTRA FUNNY to me! I told him our parents might see this, and he said I could still post his exact words. Gotta love his silly, corny self!
Until next time, I’ll leave you with this. It’s rare to find couples willing to be honest and vulnerable about the not-so-happy times in marriage, especially with social media today. With Ejuan’s blessing, I have been able to do precisely that with my blog site. Keep in mind that NO COUPLE IS PERFECT, and everyone has some storm(s) that they have to weather. Please don’t compare your year 5 to our year 19. As a matter of fact, don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s PERIOD! We all have our own journey, so keep moving along the path that God has selected for you. After reading this, I challenge you to ask yourself and your spouse the five questions I asked Ejuan. Tailor them to fit your story. When all is said and done, I hope that you learn something new or allow the responses to reinvigorate the fire in your marriage.